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Topics - Graham Bennetts Perm

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Altrincham FC First Team / It was ten years ago this very day...
« on: February 05, 2010, 08:51:17 AM »
this happened:

Hednesford Town 5 Altrincham 0

Never Forget.

Altrincham FC First Team / Matty crowell goes
« on: August 28, 2009, 04:25:09 PM »
It can't be anything to do with the weather surely?

Thought there was the makings of a good central midfield partnership with Kearney there..

all the best...

Altrincham FC First Team / Goal/clean sheet sponsors photos...
« on: August 21, 2009, 11:11:39 AM »
...are available for collection. I'll be at the AFC Wimbledon match on the mausoleum at half time to let you have your photos. Watch out for the person in the raincoat with an agitated demeanour, he's dangerous... and then come and find me near the shop.

Altrincham FC First Team / Goal and clean sheet sponsorship 2008/9
« on: May 11, 2009, 05:24:40 PM »
So the season’s over and now it’s time to total up the tally from Alty’s goal and clean sheet sponsors. In all Alty scored 67 goals, kept 18 clean sheets and Stuart Coburn made one penalty save. In addition, for those who sponsored individual goal scorers, Chris Senior scored 10 times, and Anthony Danylyk just the once.

In total then, Alty’s goal and clean sheet sponsors have raised £1002.50 during the season: a big thank you to them all!

Please could sponsors send a cheque in payment to me at 86 Main Road, Wigginton, Tamworth, Staffordshire B79 9DZ or hand in or send direct to the football club. Cheques should be payable to “Altrincham Football Club”

I’ll be in touch shortly with all sponsors regarding their exclusive choice of action photographs from the past season: just let me know which you’d like to have, and the framed photograph will be on its way to you. If you have any questions, or need further information. then please contact me on .

Best Regards and thanks again,
Jon Stack

Altrincham FC First Team / Was it guacamole or mushy peas?
« on: March 06, 2009, 06:31:13 PM »
...the question asked by Mandelson.

Of course, we know what it was....

...the green slime!

Altrincham FC First Team / Latest Forecast
« on: November 17, 2008, 05:47:45 PM »
Latest Forecast

Tuesday 18th November 2008

Max temp:  10
Min Temp:   7
Cloudy and dark
Windspeed: 13 mph
Pollution Index: Low
Relative humidity: 82
Pressure: 1019
HT Score: Alty 1 – 0 Luton
FT Score: Alty 2 – 1 Luton
Attendance: 2634 (331 away end)
Stoppers on the snack bar: 2
Average snack bar queue length: 21 people
Maximum snack bar queue length: 48 people
Snack Bar queue loading factor: 43.75%
Snack Bar queue average waiting time: 11 minutes 23 seconds
Likelihood of missing a goal by joining the snack bar queue: 13%
Balti Pie sell out forecast: 8.25pm
Max. pie temperature index: minor injury to accident and emergency
Min. pie temperature index: f****** h**
Graham Heathcote verbal apoplexy with 4th official rating: high
Main stand totty rating: top to phworrrrrr
Half time get to the bar first scrum rating: All Out War
Glued Hands Nutter forecast: “we’re gonna lose this”
First audible “get Elam on” forecast: 46 minutes
Directors’ Box turn up once a year rating: high
Luton supporters’ first audible chant rating: miserable
Luton supporters trying to get in by knocking on doors of houses in Golf Road: 87
Smashed window on houses behind Chequers/2020 End  forecast: unfortunately…not yet…
Gazelle job selection rating: Very Low indeed

Altrincham FC First Team / Famous Luton fans
« on: October 28, 2008, 07:24:59 PM »
He's not as famous
As Seamus
who is?

Those who know it
Don't Luton b(unga)low it

Altrincham FC First Team / Goal/clean sheet sponsorship 2008/9
« on: September 13, 2008, 11:42:44 AM »
For all those goal/clean sheets sponsors in 2007/8 who ordered their framed photos, these will be available to collect from the Club office at home matches, starting with the Lewes game next week. If you'd prefer to have yours sent to you, then please email me to let me know on the address below.

And just when you thought you had got away with it for this season.......

Alty Goal and clean sheet sponsorship 2008/9                     

If you'd like to enjoy the excitement of raising money for the Club every time Alty score or keep a clean sheet next season, then just email me with the amount you’d like to pledge per goal or clean sheet, or even pick a player and sponsor his goals individually, or even Stu Coburn's penalty saves!

In return, you'll:

- see your name listed as a sponsor in every match programme,
- and at the end of the season, as a thank you for your support, you'll receive your own chosen special framed action photograph of one of those goals or one of Stu Coburn's stupendous saves,
All monies raised will be paid directly and immediately to the Football Club, and payment will be in two instalments, one after half the season has gone and then the remainder at the end of the season. We'll be providing regular updates throughout the season of the amounts raised so far, so please take part, there's no minimum amount, and we look forward to welcoming you as a sponsor.

Contact Jon Stack with your name, address, phone number and sponsorship details on:

Tel:   01827 64471 or,
Fax:    01827 312852 or,
Post:    86 Main Road, Wigginton, Tamworth, Staffordshire B79 9DZ or,
Thanks very much for your support.
Jon and Winnie Stack
On behalf of Altrincham Football Club

Altrincham FC First Team / Dorchester next
« on: September 09, 2008, 03:45:44 PM »
I see the Dorchester chairman's comments in the non league press about the lack of support from the Dorchester public to his costly full time know the kind of thing: well we got 4000 once against Weymouth, so the supporters are there, but why should I carry on putting my hand in my pocket etc etc,

Isn't it about time these clubs had their own league so the rest of us can compete on a level playing field...?

Criteria for entry to the Deluded league would be:

-Minimum 12,000 capacity purpose built stadium with potential for upgrade to all seater
-5 year plan to achieve league status
-10 year plan to achieve Champions League qualification
-re-branding of the traditional Club name to something laughable
-full time playing staff
-inability to  complete VAT returns accurately
-ignore PAYE
-directors must pass the fit and properly deluded person test by being completely deluded
-directors must have no knowledge of non league football whatsoever

Altrincham FC First Team / Chips and gravy...
« on: July 21, 2008, 12:28:48 PM »
A baptism of fire for the snack bar (I don't know what was going on in the toilet end, so I can't comment on that part), with superb chips and  blisteringly hot gravy, from which the roof of my mouth is still recovering...
My initial worry over the quality of the food, given the siting of the toilets in such close proximity, was thankfully misplaced.
However, the serving aperture needs to be opened fully to allow more to be served at once, so that the queues don't get too long. The potential for hungry spectators taking matters into their own hands, with ugly food fights developing is all too worrying.

Altrincham FC First Team / Alty goal/clean sheet sponsorship 2007/8
« on: May 27, 2008, 09:48:52 AM »
Goal/clean sheet sponsorship 2007/08

Thanks to all Alty goal and clean sheet sponsors for your support in season 2007/8: a total of £1,467.00 has been raised for the Club as a result: I'll be contacting you all shortly with a selection of superb action photographs to choose from as a thank you for your support. In the meantime, you can calculate the amount owed based on the following statistics:

Alty goals scored     71
Alty clean sheets      8

Sponsored goalscorers:
Jake Sedgemore  3
Darren Tinson   2
Joe O'Neill    6
Colin Potts  0
Steve Aspinall 0
Chris Senior 13

Stuart Coburn penalty saves 0

Please send you cheques to Jon Stack at 86 Main Road, Wigginton, Tamworth, Staffs. B79 9DZ or hand them in at the football club (marked goal sponsorship), payable to Altrincham Football Club.
Many thanks once again for your support.

Jon and Winnie Stack

Altrincham FC First Team / April fool
« on: March 29, 2008, 09:38:43 AM »
The April fools just seem to start earlier each year don't they......

According to the Laidlermeister...

"Mansfield are currently second from bottom in the Football League A man bidding to buy Mansfield Town is planning to rename the club Harchester United after the former Sky series The Dream Team, the BBC has learnt. John Batchelor, former owner of York City, submitted a bid to majority shareholder Keith Haslam on Wednesday. Producers of the Sky series confirmed Mr Batchelor had made an approach to use the name. It is understood the racing car enthusiast also plans to use actors from the television series at the club. Mr Batchelor said: 'Football supporters in general have to understand that if they want professional football in their town, they have to accept it has to be done on a commercial basis. Harchester is more promotable than Mansfield. That's not any form of insult to Mansfield at all because it's a club with a long tradition but it's just a fact of life. One club has been on the television for 10 years and the other one hasn't'". [But hasn't one team has won a few competitive football matches and the other hasn't?] "The businessman changed York City's name to York City Soccer Club when he was at Bootham Crescent to attract American interest".

A change in name to Timperley Bigshorts for Alty perhaps.....
And Colin Little to change his name by deed poll to Hotshot Hamish....

A fine example of estate agent speak reported by the Laidlermeister....

....If you want to live in the luxury accommodation now being built on the former Altrincham FC car park, look at the Arley Homes website. The development is called "The Court Yard, Hale" and is described as "A select gated development of twelve townhouses and two apartments, within walking distance of Hale Village. The development is set out in a courtyard arrangement, a layout which ensures that residents will enjoy peace, quiet and privacy in discreet surroundings that are entirely in keeping with the prestigious nature of Hale and its environs".....

Strangely, the words spacious and exclusive are missing, as is the phrase "highly desirable" and  " this superb executive development benefits from a fabulous view and a delightfully delicate scent of open air toilet blocks and catering facilities,  drunken away supporters baring their arses for a laugh, the deranged cries of local nutters, and the gentle wafting sound of traditional songs regarding sticking things up your arse."

Any why is it called "The Courtyard"? Can we please give this a proper name...suggestions?

Altrincham FC First Team / Goal/clean sheet sponsorship update
« on: February 07, 2008, 08:52:59 AM »
Now that we're well into the second half of the season, the total raised so far from goal and clean sheet sponsors stands at £962. Could all sponsors please hand the first instalment of  their sponsorship monies in to the Club addressed to me and labelled as "goal sponsorship" or else send a cheque made out to Altrincham AFC to me at 86 Main Road, Wigginton, Tamworth, Staffordshire B79 9DZ. Any queries, please email Jon Stack on

Here's the relevant totals so far:
Goals scored
Alty total  47
Jake Sedgmore 3
Darren Tinson 2
Joe O'Neill 5
Chris Senior 10

Clean Sheets: 4

Thanks to all sponsors and let's look forward to more goals and clean sheets in the season to come.......
Jon and Winnie Stack

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