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[RocketDan]

going to fire this bad boy off in the post tomorrow.
wish me luck....

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Dear Sirs,
I am writing in application of the vacant managerial position at Altrincham Football Club and would be grateful if you could consider my application in your search for a new manager.

I have achieved unparalleled success as a football manager (on Football Manager 2007) with a record that, quite frankly, speaks for itself. Managing such clubs as Manchester United, Aston Villa and Newcastle United (please see attached CV for further details) I have brought silverware to every club I have had the pleasure of managing, something which your wonderful fans would no doubt respect me for. Fans may also respect my football knowledge (I once won £20 on the IT box football quiz game), my frugality (I already own an Altrincham FC tie and wouldn't need to be provided with one) and my love of Barney's chippy.

On the pitch, I have primarily gained skills as player and would be useful replacement if Nicky Clee was injured. My main experience as a coach comes from 2 years as the BlowSoc football team coach, which involved training once a week, monitoring excessive drinking, and giving post match interviews. Our epic battles with arch rivals Mussoc, culminating in a crucial penalty decider was described by The News of The World as “Epic” and by The Times as “the match of a generation” . For highlights of the match, including a post match interview to eclipse anything Keegan has said can be found here

Outside of football I've gained a Geography BSc at The University of Nottingham, which provides me with many transferable skills including GIS modelling which may be a useful tool for scouting talents. Living locally, I will also have no problem with relocating to the area should you make the wise choice and hire me. For your convenience I have included my contact details and will be available for an interview to discuss any issues you would like, I look forward to hearing from you.

Kindest regards,


Daniel Cashin


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Football Experience

Manchester United:    (September 2006 – July 2017)
Began as and unproven manager, left as an absolute legend with a bulging trophy cabinet. 10x Champions League,  5x Premier League, 3x FA Cups, 5x League Cup

• 2006/2007 debut season champions league, FA cup, league cup trebles
• 2010/2011 season: 98point undefeated League winners and champions league double
• 2015/2016 Premier League, Champions League, FA Cup and League Cup Quadruple

England National Team:      (July 2016 – June 2018)
I juggled the nation job and the Manchester united job for a whole season, before going full time with England, very unlucky to exit the world cup at such and early stage.

• 2017 confederation cup winner
• 2018 world cup quarter finalist

Aston Villa:      (November 2018 – September 2024)
A change for me brought a spell of moderate success with a club punching about its weight. Some very shrewd signings on the Bosman rule along with purchasing of some top young scouted talent (who I later sold for 20 times the purchased price). League finishing positions from 3rd-5th coupled with two time runners up in the Champions League (2021 and 2024). Resigned knowing I had taken the club as far as it could go.

• FA Cup 2016, League Cup 2021, UEFA Cup 2023.

Newcastle:   (May 2025 –September 2028)
My current position! And what a successful spell trophies galore, including the historic ‘Tyneside treble’ of 2026-2027 season

• 3x Premier League winners (2026, 2027 and 2028)
• 2x Champions League winners (2027 and 2028)

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[gazwarrington]

Instantly dismissed for A) not being Alty manager and B) Starting at 'big clubs' .. Shame on you 

[Mrs Warbouys]

Someone has beaten you to it,the club have already had one of the hilarious 'championship manager' applications today!!!!

[gazwarrington]

I say call their bluff and hire them .. They'd cack it !

[robininstockport]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

[Jezza]

I trust Mr Rowley is working on a suitably hilarious Dear John return.....

[taxi Phil]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

Or even Roger Palmer !

[Dougals Dad]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

Or even Roger Palmer !

or Harry Palmer!

[robininstockport]

id rather have 'On the palmer of her hand is a blister'

[Mick]

I see Darlington have appointed Gary Pallister as.....wait for it........ 'operations director'.
According to their chairman his role is "strictly a business one"..........apparantly he will meet sponsors when he can attend games.

Glad to see he will be directing operations at Darlington from now on. What an honour

 

[RedhillAlty]

I suggest you wait until a vacancy comes up at Vics or Macc as you definately qualify

[Saughall Robin]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

Or even Roger Palmer !

or Harry Palmer!

Be better with a management team of Huntley & Palmer 

That really WOULD take the biscuit!

[distancetraveller]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

Or even Roger Palmer !

or Harry Palmer!

Be better with a management team of Huntley & Palmer 

That really WOULD take the biscuit!

I am having trouble DIGESTIVEing that post 

We should get that Italian Manager >>> Gari Baldi

I'll get me coat

[CB]

Arghghghghgh! 

[jimmyhank]

Carlton Palmer must be an applicant

Or even Roger Palmer !

or Harry Palmer!

Be better with a management team of Huntley & Palmer 

That really WOULD take the biscuit!

I am having trouble DIGESTIVEing that post 

We should get that Italian Manager >>> Gari Baldi

I'll get me coat

That's CRACKERS!